Making patients like you
Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck has pointed out a paradox: The more you try to make people like you the less they probably will.
He contends that even more important than what you say is why you say it. If you’re being agreeable in an attempt to ingratiate yourself, people are less likely to trust and like you.
Let’s say a new patient walks in and you greet them with: “Hello! How are you! Good to see you! Have a seat! Have two seats! What are you doing for the rest of the day? What are you doing on the weekend?”
That sort of forced friendship becomes very annoying, very fast. It screams inauthenticity. Manson contends that relationships need a little friction in them for the other person to trust you fully. He says that:
Friction = Realness = Authenticity.
Friction means occasionally disagreeing about things, awkward honesty and tough conversations.
One phoney and damaging way dentists attempt to befriend their patients is by watering down treatment recommendations. Instead of telling the patient what they need based on the examination and diagnosis, they tell them what they think the patient wants to hear. I’ve seen dozens of dentists all over the country do this.
A typical example was a dentist who I saw recommend two crowns to a patient. The patient actually needed seven crown. When I asked why they only told the patient about two of them the dentist said: “I didn’t think they’d go for seven.”
My suggestions are these.
First, don’t try to make every patient your bestie. Be alert, present, respectful and attentive. Talk 90%+ of the time about dentistry. That’s why they came to see you.
Second, tell patients the truth, not just what you think they want to hear. I sometimes ask dentists if they want truth or BS from their medical practitioner. I’ve never had a dentist say they want BS. Yet, the same dentists will under-diagnose patients because they’re afraid of not being liked.
Bottom line is this. If you stop deliberately trying to be liked, patients will like and trust you more.
