Listen without judgement

When you’re under pressure in the middle of a busy day your ability to communicate is reduced. That’s why I have rules that I work to. They keep me on the right track. My mentor, Dr Omer Reed, gave me this one to help with communication:

“Listen without judgement.”

People come into dental offices and say the oddest things some of which aren’t sensible such as: “I want to get my teeth pulled out.” or “Root fillings don’t work.”

The temptation is to immediately try to put the person straight. We respond with “Not really...” and then give a lecture. That makes the person defensive. It makes them hold onto their position more tightly.

A better way is to listen without judgement. Give the person space and let them get their words out without pressure from you. If you do that, you often find the person will be prepared to change their view point.

It’s almost the reverse of what you’d think. Judging and trying to change people solidifies them in their position. Listening without judgement frees people up to change.

The exact words I use when people say something that’s wrong or that doesn’t make sense are:

“That’s interesting. Tell me more about that.”

I was consulting with a lady about a lower molar that had broken 3 times before. She said right at the start: “I want the cheapest thing you can do.” The temptation was to tell her that was a waste of time and wouldn’t work. Instead I listened and gave her space. A couple of minutes later, when I told her about a crown, she immediately agreed. That wouldn’t have happened if I had judged her at the start.

Listening without judgement has power.