Sympathy vs. empathy

I’m going to offer some life advice based on 30+ years in practice.

My advice is this. By all means be sympathetic to your patients but if you’re empathetic it can wear you out.

Sympathy is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.

Many patients, especially if they have pain or major problems expect sympathy. They want the dentist to say comforting things and treat them kindly.

A senior colleague used to put it this way:

“Patients want a doctor with grey hair and haemorrhoids. Grey hair for the look of wisdom and haemorrhoids for the look of concern.”

Of course he was being tongue-in-cheek but it gives you a sense of what patients want from dentists.

Empathy however is different. It is actually feeling or mirroring the emotions of someone else. If they feel fear, you feel fear. If they feel disgust, disappointment or anger you feel those things too.

Empathy will wear you out. I’ve seen excellent, caring dentists become depressed because they were too empathetic. If, every time a distressed patient comes in, you share their feelings of distress it will drain you emotionally.

My suggestion is to be very sympathetic to patients. Be attentive to their needs. Listen. Say the right things and look concerned. Outwardly you need to be soft and fuzzy and full of caring. Just don’t cross the line where you start to feel what they’re feeling. Inwardly you need to be like teflon.

Sympathy not empathy is the way to go.